so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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