Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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