if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
