Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize