What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
