she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
