Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
