it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
