I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
