Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
