God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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