party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
