just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
