Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just pee around me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
