That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
