All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
