To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
