haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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