dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
