i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
