I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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