Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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