He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
