Sry I called you an 8
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
