We won't sleep together?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
