He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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