i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
