I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize