his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
