I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
