I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
