Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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