I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
