You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
