My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
