Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize