i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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