You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
