WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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