Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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