I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
