i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
