I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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