I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
