awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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