Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
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