If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
