he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
