"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
