She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
