I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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