You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
