hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
