I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I smell like Dick and happiness
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize