We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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