I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
