okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
