there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
