I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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