so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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