maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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