My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
