I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
