Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize