nutella sex= disaster
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
