I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
