How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
