He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
