I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
